a life lesson

I learned a lot about myself and about humanity on Wednesday when I escorted/transported, Bill, my mother’s 90-year-old husband, to Detroit via Southwest Airlines.

If you didn’t know I did this or why, please read THIS before proceeding.

Since I taught children to cook for the last 18 years, many people incorrectly assume that I have an abundance of patience.

I Do Not.

As a matter of fact, I am a most impatient person. All who truly know me will confirm this. What I do have is fierce determination. I am very strong-willed – in the typical Irish Redhead sort of way! I also know that I am blessed with deep empathy.

Sometimes all this serves me well, other times… not so much.

On Wednesday, strong will, determination, and empathy are just a part of what got me through a long, exhausting, and difficult day.

It also took true patience, empathy, understanding, and the kindness of strangers to get me through it.

Here is the story…

When I arrived at Sloane’s at 5:30 AM, she was already sitting in her car, waiting for me. We drove the 3 miles to Mom and Bill’s assisted-living apartment.

In her younger days, Mom was a fashion model and probably could have been a professional makeup artist, she was picture-perfect at all times.

Now, she’s a sight! She had apple-green eye shadow, not only on her eyelids but above her eyebrows, across the bridge of her nose, and nearly out to her temples.

I about fell over when I saw her!

Sloane cleaned her up while I began repacking Bill’s clothes and belongings and packing his toiletries. I say repacking because Sloane and I had packed him up the night before and he had inexplicably scattered it all around the room overnight. He was still sleeping, already in his clothes, ready for travel. Even so, it took forever to get him out the door and into the car. I was beginning to worry about getting to the airport and through security on time.

When we arrived at the curbside baggage check-in, I requested a wheelchair. A sweet handsome young man came up, helped Bill into the chair, took my laptop bag and put it over the chair’s handles, grabbed the largest of our four pieces of luggage, and took Bill and me directly to the indoor ticket counter.

I gave him our ID and “security documents” and he took care of getting us our boarding passes. He then took us through the TSA and to the gate. As we arrived, they were just beginning to board the wheelchair passengers. We made it – in the nick of time.

I need to backtrack a little and tell you about the said “security documents.” I was having a panic attack the day before when I went online to check us in and print our boarding passes.

I wasn’t able to get boarding passes at all! Only “security documents” were available to print.

I realized that it was probably due to the TSA’s concern over a one-way ticket and a round-trip ticket with no stayover. I suppose I should have felt reassured that the TSA is on top of such suspicious-looking travel. But knowing that I was not a security risk, I was freaked out instead.

When I got to the airport, I was questioned, but that was all, no more hassle after that, thank goodness!

The other reason I didn’t receive all four of my boarding passes ahead of time was because the airline will only issue a maximum of two boarding passes per person at one time. Who knew?

We were among the first on the plane. Since it wasn’t a full flight, I had Bill sit in the second-row window seat and parked myself on the aisle, leaving the middle seat open.

Once the people around me had boarded, I stood up and leaned over the seat in front of us and asked them to please accept my apology in advance. I explained that I was traveling with a 90-year-old confused and disoriented man.

That he was hard of hearing and has recently lost another hearing aid. That he would be asking me the same questions over and over and over again and that I would need to yell in order for him to hear me. It’s really not his fault that he keeps losing hearing aids but nevertheless, that doesn’t stop it from being annoying.

I also let them know that I had just given him anti-anxiety medication and that hopefully, he would fall asleep for at least a portion of the flight. I then turned around and did the same to the people sitting behind me.

Everyone was understanding and said for me not to worry about it. They had been through similar situations with their own family and friends.

As soon as I sat back down, the questions began:

Where are we?
Bill, we’re on an airplane.

Who are you?
I’m Mary Lou’s daughter, Linda.

Mary Lou is your mother?
Yes.

Where are we?
Bill, we’re on an airplane. We’re going to Michigan to visit your family.

Why?
Because they love you and want to see you. Because you told me that you wanted to go see your family. Because you said that your dream was to wake up in Michigan in the morning.

Where is my wallet?
In your back pocket.

Where is Mary Lou, who is taking care of her?
She is with Sloane.

Where is my stuff, how can I be going to Michigan, I don’t have anything?
Bill, your four bags of luggage are in the cargo of the plane. It’s all on the plane with us, don’t worry it is safe.

How will I get them?
We’ll get them when we land in Michigan.

Why are we going to Michigan, who will get us?
Your son, Peter, will meet us at the gate. He will take you to his house and you’ll stay there and see your family.

I don’t want to go to Michigan. I want to stay with Mary Lou.
Don’t you want to see your family? They love you and want to see you.

How long do I have to stay?
It’s a visit.

I want to come back tomorrow!
It’ll be a few days, they want to see you.

Will you stay with me and visit.
Yes. (a blatant lie, but the doctor told me to agree to questions, that he will forget my answers and it will cause less anxiety.)

Who is picking us up at the airport?
Peter.
Who is Peter?
He is your son.

How long are we visiting?
A couple of days.

Who are you?

This went on for over 3 hours, non-stop! I kid you not. I have bruises on my ribs from leaning over the armrest to yell all the answers in his ear.

About an hour into it. An older woman in the seat across the aisle, in the row behind me, leaned over and patted my arm. She said, “You are doing God’s work.” I smiled and said thank you. I turned around as my eyes welled up.

A while later, I had to use the bathroom. I called over the flight attendant and asked if she would please sit with him while I went. She said, of course, she would. I asked her to tell him that Linda was in the bathroom and would be right back if he began to ask her questions.

She said, “No worries, I know all the answers to any question he will ask, you take your time and if you need more time, just stand in the galley area across from the bathroom door and take a breather. There are partial soda cans on the counter, help yourself to what you want. If I need to get up, I’ll come to find you there.”

Seriously, that’s what she said and what she did!

She sat there while I used the bathroom and then stood and drank some Diet Coke. All the while, I could hear her answering Bill’s same questions with all my same answers. Amazing! It was only a couple of minutes, but what a sweet and loving gift she gave to me!

During the last 15 minutes of the flight, Bill finally fell asleep.

The LAST 15 minutes!

He didn’t even budge as we touched down at Chicago Midway, Crazy!

As you know, we may have been the first on, but because he needed a wheelchair, we were also the last off. The flight attendant and I got him situated in his chair and then the wheelchair attendant turned and began to wheel him up the ramp. I was about to follow, when a woman next to us in another wheelchair, touched my arm. I turned around and saw that it was the same woman in the aisle across from me.

She said, “Darling, I thought all along that you were his caregiver. The flight attendant told me you are his stepdaughter. You are a wonderful woman. You are so kind and patient and loving toward him. Believe me, dear, I’ve seen others in your situation be very mean. He is blessed to have you do this for him, and everyone who saw you on the plane today learned by your example and has been touched by you. God Bless You.”

I was so exhausted by that time, that I just began to cry. She gave me a hug and I was off and running after Bill’s wheelchair.

Strangers are Amazing! People are innately Good and Kind!

That wonderful woman. The beautiful flight attendant. The understanding and patient people sitting near us. They all taught me a lot about that stressful morning.

I am forever grateful.

The story continues …. tomorrow.

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